deep conversation and a really great boss...

i just finished having a really great conversation with my boss... unconventional (funny, since i work at the northwest baptist convention...), but great... we started talking about one thing and that quickly moved on to another and then another - several topics later, i just felt better...

i have been frustrated with work this week... i'm still a little frustrated to be honest... i was ready for a day off tomorrow and i'm not going to get to take it... there is too much to be done and my schedule won't allow it... if the paper had not been going out this past monday, i could have taken it off - regardless of my busy schedule... that is frustrating...

i walked into my office this morning to hear two of my co-workers talking about me... actually, only one was talking... rather than defending me or confronting him, the other one began to compare me to my "predecessor..." it wasn't a passing conversation - they were sitting together talking... i felt very hurt... i wanted to scream over the top of my cubicle, "I'M NOT JENNIFER!!" (my predecessor's name - although she's not really a predecessor - she was just on maternity leave and now she's back, part-time, working from home) the truth of the matter is - i'm never going to be jennifer... she's pleasant and sweet and seemingly perfect... i'm not really all that pleasant or sweet - i'm pretty blunt, cyncial - i'm not the norm around here... i'm not a sweet little southern baptist lady who never says the wrong thing...

the thing that gets me is - i know jennifer made mistakes... i'm sure that she has - there's no way that she didn't... and it seems that everyone has forgotten any mistake she ever made...

enough whining - on with the point... my boss came into my office, and i began to joke with him about a piece we're printing - one of the ladies in the office is retiring in april - they have mailed out 1,700 invitations twice - and today she came in and asked me if i'd design another mail out for her retirement celebration... which i'm guessing will go to the same 1,700 people... i'm guessing there will be (at most) 100 people there... it seems a little out of control/over the top... cameron thought so, too... we had a good laugh about the whole thing... and then we began discussing what would happen when this lady left - would someone take her position, who would it be... stuff like that...

which quickly turned into a denominational discussion... cameron thinks a lot like me - and that makes me happy - i'm not alone... i know there are others in the building who think like us - i just haven't figured out exactly who they are yet (fully)...

in the midst of our discussion, i found out (kind of realized) why i got hired... yes, sure, they needed a graphic designer... yes, God wanted this for me... yes, i have a degree in advertising and am a creative person... all those things... but the real reason cameron chose me is...
because of me...
because i'm different...
because i come in 5 minutes late almost every day...
i drink coffee (with extra shots of espresso) all the time...
because i'm not afraid to speak my mind...
because i practice cynicism...
i laugh at things that are funny (even when we're not supposed to laugh at them)...
i don't wear skirts - even on days when we're supposed to "dress up..."
i won't be satisfied with things because "that's the way we've always done them..."
because i'm not afraid to ask questions...
because i think about things like, "i wonder what they would say if i got a nose ring?"
because i want things to be different...
because i'm willing to stick it out... even when i have bad weeks...

he cares... and his door is open... at the end of a really crappy day, i know i can trust my boss with it (i almost "went there" with cheesiness - i can trust the "BIGGER BOSS," with it, too... whoa... i may be southern baptist after all!) and there are others in this building who care, too... who aren't afraid and who are (at least a little) like me... i'm not alone in this game, even when i feel that i am...

cashews make me think of chopsticks...

they just do...

it's been a while since i posted anything... my life has been more than busy... not that it's an excuse... i'm just saying...

i have nothing profound to write about - that i can think of... i can think of a lot of stuff to "complain" about - just about how busy things are and stuff like that... but i choose not to do that today... instead - i'm going to do my 5 things to be happy about/thankful for today...

1. i went to campaigners (young life) this morning at 7 (i actually made it this week) and think my network is building quickly - i like the way things are seeming to go with all that stuff...
2. even though i didn't have my starbucks this morning (i've gotten used to having it everyday this week), i made it through the day...
3. i think a movie-night is way past due... so i think i'll go pick up some movies on my way home...
4. i got clearance to take off on friday since i worked on monday (holiday), so i have a day off, officially!
5. unexpected visitor at work today with an invitation (reminder) for dinner tomorrow night...

i'm sure there are more, but that's all i'm listing for now... so, i'm heading for home...

explanation...

The three photo montages are my theology project... i put together original photos (except for the center graphics) to represent the idea that God speaks to all people from all lands with different types of revelation - and through creation. The pictures represent my part of the world, since they are pictures i've taken - they're people i've known - and in that, God has even revealed more about himself to me through the people and lands...

there was a lot longer of an explanation - but the montages were my favorite part...

creation/revelation... 

all people... 

"all lands" 

falling off the blog wagon...

hecticity rules my life these days - so it seems... but i'm not bored a whole lot...

my dad came to visit for a few days - it was a good visit... and it's strange - i've only had my apartment (and my own space) for a week and a half - but i realized how quickly i've become territorial over my space and time... but it was a good visit, overall... and life, i guess, goes back to normal... whatever that means... work is a bit stressful, school - not so much... everything else - about the same... i got my hair cut last night - i like getting my hair cut - it's chin-length now, which is the shortest it's been in a while... i like it today, will probably hate it in 3 weeks...

even though i'm not bored a whole lot... it seems my life is boring... wow, i'm getting old...

so forget all the stupid "life update" crap - no one really cares anyway... on to something more fun and interesting..

what is your new favorite thing? maybe it's me - but i like finding new things that i love... for example...

tulips... two different people bought me tulips within the last week... i love tulips... they are not typical flowers to me - their stems bend funny sometimes and when you put a penny in the vase they stand up straight - that's weird... i like tulips... they may be my new favorite flower...

gilmore girls, scrubs - my new favorite tv shows... they're not new shows, but they're relatively new in my viewing habits and they make me happy... good times...

caramel almond lattes from starbucks... actually, just about anything from starbucks - i try different stuff a lot and i generally love whatever it is...

my new bed... good sleep... good times... a little bit of a happier robyn in the morning when my alarm goes off...

i feel like all good lists should be rounded to five, so...

sunny scenic views from my drive to and from work - i live in a beautiful place, especially when the sun is shining... (i don't want the rain to come back!)

so comment on what are your new favorite things... i'm going to make my blog less about my boring life and more fun and focused on interesting things... we'll see how long that lasts!

a whole bunch and not many at all...

"It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant."

i have recently started trying to figure out who my "lifers" are... see amy's post on the outsiders if you want to - she talks about "lifers" - life friends...

sometimes it's hard for me to let go... and there have been friends that i thought i'd have forever... and a day goes by, a week, a month, a year, a few years and i haven't talked to them... i honestly can't tell you what is going on in their life - and i'm guessing they probably couldn't tell you about mine, either...

and it's not that i actually thought at the time that i would be friends with them forever - i just didn't think that they wouldn't be my friend later - if that makes sense... i can easily think of a dozen or two friends that i've had over the years that i have completely lost touch with... or mostly, anyway... it seems like there is a ton of them...

and i'm wondering how many of the friends that i talk to now are really "lifers" - i know a couple that i think will be - but who knows - and with the way things change... i already feel like i don't have many friends... what happens if i lose one of them? i know there will be others - there are bound to be new friends... but what about the few that have stuck by my side - that i've been able to see an evolving friendship with and how sweet it is that as we've become adults we've gotten a lot closer... will they be my lifers?

i guess i have to be deliberate in my friendships, so that my friends don't turn into busboys... or spots on my memory that i can hardly recall...

pat on the back...

this afternoon during class, my professor recognized me for my project that i worked on last semester... he was explaining about our project for this semester (pretty much the same thing - we can decide what to do and creativity is encouraged - my kind of project), and he mentioned my project to the class...

i know that kind of stuff shouldn't feel good... i don't want to be accused of being proud... but it felt good to know that my favorite project of my entire life, probably, was recognized as good work...

i guess it kind of comes with an idea that the things we love to do are the things we will pour our hearts into and ultimately have the best results in the end...

all that to say, i appreciate my professor for letting us pick projects that are "us..." and not making me write a research paper... i don't think i've ever been recognized in school for an assignment until today... i've arrived... :)... just kidding!

a great weekend and a monday attitude...

i moved on saturday... my thoughts...
it kind of becomes a routine... when you've moved around a lot, moving doesn't seem to take as much preparation time... we moved all my stuff in one load... my car, the bronco and a small trailer... it only took an hour or two... i figured out i don't like to live unsettled... i thought that i'd leave everything boxed up, but i have more unpacked now than i did the entire time i lived with the family (maybe because of space reasons, maybe because i know i'll be in this apartment for a year - the longest place i've lived anywhere in a long time)... i hate the physical process of moving... i'm extra-tired today and mildly sore...
sometimes you get good housewarming gifts... so far, i've acquired (all used stuff for free) a small dining room table/2 chairs, a couch, microwave... and i have a dresser and chair coming sometime this week...
and my amazingly cool friend heather and her boyfriend christopher and her mom all chipped in and got me a 20-inch flat screen tv and dvd player... (it also plays cd's, so it's doubling as my stereo) heather and christopher drove down from seattle on saturday night to surprise me with it... i couldn't believe it... i started crying...
and... the ladies from work are throwing me an apartment shower on friday...

my cup runneth over...

i had 12 youth on sunday... i decided i wouldn't be discouraged if there had been less this week... 11 was a lot for last week... and i made 18 copies, to be hopeful... we had 12... so one more that last week, which is awesome...

some of the girls and i were talking and we decided to have an unofficial super bowl party at my apartment on sunday afternoon... so 4 girls showed up and we played cards and ate junk food... it was a lot of fun... i love that the second day i lived in my apartment there was already ministry going on... it helps in those informal settings to get to know the girls better... to see where their strong and weak points are - and i want them to be able to see me informally, too...

oh... great story about them... one of the girls is in sr. high. she had visited another church that, i'm guessing, is pretty formal. she said they told her she wasn't allowed to wear flip flops... our church is really informal... the pastor wears jeans just about every sunday... i usually try to dress up a little bit, but sunday i wore jeans and a sweatshirt and flip flops... the girl told our pastor, "robyn was wearing flip flops, so i know that means i can wear mine, too..." and it felt good... even her knowing that she is welcome just as she is... i love it... i love that they have a place to go... and now, those that came to my apartment, feel that they can just drop by anytime... i love it!!!

as the weekend was winding down last night, i was feeling really beat... i had 2 homework assignments due last night at midnight by email... i got one of them done and came up to work to email it and then went home... i found out this morning that it was rejected... so i'll have to send it again tonight... but i'll wait until i get the second one done and send them both... it'll just have to be okay...

i went home, put in a movie and crashed... today has been a huge test of attitude... i have failed miserably... i've had a crummy attitude pretty much all day... i'm working on it... maybe i'll just decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood... :)

mondays are good because there are people at school (in the building), so i get to see friends and stuff... maybe i can even talk some of them into going to applebee's with me this afternoon for 1/2 price appetizers... or maybe they could come over and i could make dinner... that may have to wait a couple of weeks (when i'm a little more settled)...

good times... only 30 minutes left in the work day!!

this is the nametag that was made for me and is now proudly stuck to my monitor... 

my life as a single...

I work in a predominantly married environment. there is one other girl who is a couple of weeks older than me who works as the receptionist who is also not married. There is one single lady who works in our building in her early forties and another single lady who is about to retire. other than that - everyone is married. i think everyone is in their 40's and older. there may be a few that are in their late 30's. anyway - you get the point. many of my coworkers are old enough to be my parents. they have kids my age and older and many have grandkids... so picture painted...

every few months we have a "new challenge seminar" in the building. it's a time for church pastors and staff who are new to the area or have moved to a new church (or any that have "new challenges") to come to the building and get some encouragement. they also find out a lot of information about what we do here, what services are available, etc... for me, i get to promote our print shop to try and get some business...

well, yesterday and today was the first "new challenge seminar" that i got to be a part of... and, from what i gather... they're usually filled with couples, some young, some not-so-young... but generally, it's married people. well, this time... there were 11 individuals/couples - and 3 of them happened to be single guys - all about my age... now my co-workers had a "new challenge."

during the first session, everyone gets to share a piece of their story... (the participants, anyway) so during this time i got to find out about bachelors #1, #2, and #3 (as my co-workers named them from the order that they shared their story)

enter "bachelor #1." he was a nice-looking guy who is a youth minister in southern oregon. he shared a little bit of his story and he was definitely a youth minister (i mean that in a good way) - he was pretty goofy... but seemed really nice...

enter "bachelor #2." also, a nice looking guy who lives on the coast. he had an incredible testimony - it was cool to hear what he had gone through to see where he is now. he's involved with ministry at his church - related to addiction ministries. (i think - something like that)

enter "bachelor #3." ahhh... the best for last... this guy wasn't unattractive... and he was really goofy... and talked with a very heavy texas accent... wow... he kind of went on and on about his story... and i got distracted (easy to do) and stopped paying a lot of attention. one of the ladies i work with wrote... "he's single." on a piece of paper... and i started to laugh... a lot... i was doing the quiet-shaking-trying-not-to-make-a-noise-kind of laughing... i even put my head down... luckily we were sitting in the back.

shortly after this, they took a break and i quickly exited through the back door... one of my other co-workers named the 3 guys at this point... and another told me he was going to make me a nametag that said, "i'm single, too." forget the no-noise kind of laughter at this point... i think i snorted about 5 times...

here's the sad/funny part - all of them were voting #3... do they know me? i think it was just the funniest choice because i was so anti-#3...

a nametag was made for me that said "single" and then it had yes/no boxes and the yes box was marked out. i opted not to wear it for obvious reasons.

when they got to our department, we shared about what we do - and my boss started off and he mentioned his personal life after he said his little bit about his job and our paper... then another one went, then it was my turn... i went through the whole thing and on the personal part, i said, "i'm not married." someone asked me if, when i said that, i winked at the single guys... what?? what kind of girl do you think i am??

so that was kind of the end of the day... the office was a-flutter with talk of singles all day yesterday... the seminar went through today, but i wasn't a part of it today... i thought the subject would drop... until...

the same lady, the "he's single." one came back and handed me a card... it was bachelor #3's card from something... and in the "spouse's name" blank, he had written... "i don't know, but if you find out, tell me." - weird... so they asked me if i wanted them to put my name... eww...

i there are very few things that are more repulsive to me than a "wife-hunter..." i'm not saying that if a guy wants to be married that it automatically makes him repulsive... but when a guy is so overly-upfront about it that he can't just be normal, it's just gross to me... like he's trying way too hard... i'd much rather be able to make a decision about whether or not i like someone based on their actual personality and not the fake one they put out there trying to win a spouse...

and it totally goes both ways... i am repulsed by "husband-hunters" too... don't get me wrong - i've been there... i've not been friends with girls who i thought were a threat... i've ignored guys that i wasn't romantically interested in... and i've tried way too hard on several occasions...

and i'm not saying i'm better than anyone who is a "hunter." it's part of life... at this point in my life it makes me feel a bit disgusted... i just wish i didn't feel like the christian singles realm was a dating service, whether provoked or unprovoked...

but it always provides laughs... from everyone... except maybe bachelor #3...

the playlist...

here's the playlist o' the infamous birthday cd amy sent me...

1. i will - she-daisy
2. best imitation of myself - ben folds
3. leader of the pack - the shangri-las
4. jesse’s girl – rick springfield
5. bohemian rhapsody – queen
6. in your eyes – peter gabriel
7. little red corvette – prince
8. these boots are made for walking – nancy sinatra
9. me and bobby mcgee – janis joplin
10. thank you - sister hazel
11. daydream believer – the monkees
12. bye bye bye – n'sync
13. thriller – michael jackson
14. wishing heart – lisa loeb
15. let’s hear it for the boy – deniece williams
16. a-b-c – jackson 5
17. girls just want to have fun – cyndi lauper
18. whip it – devo
19. livin’ on a prayer – bon jovi
20. one way or another – blondie
21. out of my league – stephen speaks

to be known...

let's start with sunday... forget that... let's start with saturday...

saturday morning i woke up semi-early for me on a saturday and within an hour i was frustrated... the family that i live with is terrific... i love them... but sometimes it's hard... saturday i thought to myself, "i'm not married to this family... i can love them a whole lot, but i don't necessarily have to stay here and be frustrated..." that sounds harsh and weird... but it was just one of those times when i realized it was time... i went back to my room and i told God, "i need to move. i'm ready..." within a half-hour, i got a phone call from the apartment complex that i was most interested in a couple of months ago... at the time, they were running a special on one apartment - 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 1000 square feet... a really nice apartment... within my price range with the special... but i couldn't commit - it was pre-salary... and i just couldn't commit... so i didn't do it... they were running the special again and the lady called to see if i was still looking and to see if i'd be interested... i told her i would be there that day... so later on, i went to apply for it and they told me they'd let me know monday... i went on with my normal birthday celebration...

sunday... i made 15 copies for the youth for sunday morning... i had 7 last week - i'm thinking - 15 will be WAY MORE than enough... i get to church... i start to look around... there are a lot of youth... i ended up with 11... and i was missing some of my "normal kids" - it was nuts... (not to mention there were only about 20 adults in the service...) and i thought... we're never going to get through "best thing/worst thing since last sunday" - the "ice-breaker" we do every sunday... much less the lesson... i think God has a way of making time go slowly when He wants things to be accomplished... we finished (almost) on time - but had a great discussion... i found myself on several occasions being amazed by what God was saying to and through these teenagers - and to and through me... but now we've outgrown our meeting space... God is already taken care of it - and we should have a new place to meet on Sunday... and... i had a true youth minister moment... (by the way - i didn't ask to be a youth minister - i just wanted to help... but God has me right where He wants me...) i was talking to a guy who had never been to our church before (i don't think he's ever been to church) and i was mentioning to the girls all around him that i was probably moving and that we should have a girls' night... and i looked at him, and i said, "i'm sorry, you can't come..." in a sarcastic tone - joking around with him... and he looked at me and said, "i can't come because i have a _____?" (when it came down to it, i couldn't type it - i try to maintain a family-friendly blog...) and it caught me off-guard... and i had an immediate decision to make... i could say, "we don't say that in church..." like i was trained to do with my good southern baptist roots... or i could just let it slide and continue to talk with him... i opted for the second choice... i was rebuked by a youth minister friend at school... "you need to set up clear boundaries and not allow him to say stuff like that..." which made me angry - this kid needs to know he's accepted as is... yes, if he decides to accept Christ and begin a relationship with Him, we'll work on it... there will be standards and boundaries... but for now, i want beau to feel like he's not pre-condemned because he doesn't know what is okay and he says something that is unacceptable in church... i loved it... anyway - after the service, i went and sat down with some other ministry people from the church and i said... "have you ever prayed for something so long that you felt like it was never going to happen and when it does, you don't know what to do with it?" - that's how i felt... God has given me a place to serve... kids who are excited about Jesus who don't know all the technical terms, haven't been raised in church but want their friends to know what they've found and how precious it is... and then i had an "orienteering" meeting at the pastor's house - kind of a new member's meeting - an informational meeting to talk about what the church is about... which was awesome, too... i went home feeling like i had found my place and it is a great feeling...

yesterday... i get to work - am telling some of the ladies about the possible move on saturday... and i go back to my office and one of the other ladies (who wasn't standing there) calls me and asks me if i can use a small dining room table and chairs... she didn't know that i am even thinking about moving... but she has it in her car for me to look at... i don't have a lot of furniture - just bunk beds and a chair for the living room and a frame for a full or queen size bed (but i don't know which)... yeah, that's it... but as of yesterday, i will be getting in the next few days - a hide-a-bed sofa, a dining room table and chairs, a dresser, another living room chair and i think a full or queen size matress/box springs - depending on what i need... and this morning i was offered a futon... oh - and a microwave... and heather and christopher are coming down saturday evening to help me get settled in and to bring me something, but she won't tell me what... yeah... - oh and the guy from the apartments called me and said i got it - with no security deposit, even...

so then yesterday was a great day - and here was my epiphany... i've struggled for a long time... i've been looking for a church, a place to be involved in ministry since august... i've been trying to find a place to live since june... and it's like God's been holding it all... and yes, it's been frustrating... but it's like He was saying... "Yes, I've been watching you... I've seen you struggle... I know it hasn't been fun... but you've stayed constant... you haven't given up... and now... now, I'm giving it back to you... and it's better than you can have imagined... you're ready for a little bit... but stay faithful... and don't forget the struggle you went through... you'll be able to help someone in the journey..."

something like that... and i was way overwhelmed yesterday... to the point where, when heather called to tell me she was coming down to help... i hung up the phone and started crying... i've been feeling really alone lately and it was like, "you're not alone..." that kind of feeling... and the fun part was - i was sitting at applebee's with three guys from school and i break down into tears... and i will stand by my opinion that there is nothing worse than girls crying in front of guys - especially when they don't know what's wrong...

so i call trusty friend amy (*smile) and tell her about all of this stuff... and i know she's struggling with stuff... and i realize... this is an opportunity... i try not to say a lot of stuff to her, especially because i don't want it to sound the typical christian way of "things will get better... just wait..." - she has been waiting - and faithfully... but for some reason, i said a lot of stuff that was on my heart... you can ask her... just trying to encourage her because i love her so much... she's amazing... and then i go into the house... and there's a package waiting on me from amy for my birthday... i'm glad it didn't get there on my birthday because it was a perfect ending to a great day... in it was a lot of fun stuff... but my favorite was a cd she made me... as i listened to it, i thought, "she knows me... she really knows me... it's such a random cd... but i realized how good it feels to be known by my friend... like i'm not alone even though she lives a million miles away from where i live... and then i talked to my friend jeff last night, too... and that's always cool... because i feel like i can be real and honest with him... and i was just really glad that he called... it was awesome...

i know i've left a ton of stuff out - but i wanted to get this much down... as i reflect, i may have more to add... and maybe the playlist of my cd... which is awesome!!!